Bullet Points.

Written By Mary Miller

Flipping back through my journal, I see the bullet points of a day not too long ago when I worked from home. (I do love scratching a line through things I’ve accomplished.)

  • Draft bulletin

  • Send bulletin draft for feedback

  • Schedule social media posts

  • email faculty about pics to send

  • copy/paste committee minutes

  • Dip in

    • connect with higher self

    • nap

    • lay down with Shmoo

    • Let it all bubble up

  • Make dinner

  • Read/listen to audiobook

  • Cry as needed

  • Bath, facemask, nails [PAMPER]

The realization that I felt was simmering right there below the surface needed space to come out and through me. So I scheduled it in. I’ve learned to not worry over this process—having done this many times now. I feel the pressure begin to mount and instead of clogging up the works with my anxiety of what can this be, what now?, OMG I just want to enjoy my day, I make room for the wave to overtake me. I know now that It will swell, push me over the edge, and then recede, leaving me with a host of detritus to sift through. The trick to not worrying over this process and thereby cinching off the flow and creating all kinds of disease in my body—I tell myself I DO NOT have to do anything with the realization, the knowing, the crap that is churned up. Not yet. I have only to let it exist there. I will work with it on my own timeline and my own terms.

Not being afraid is key. This is how I stem that fear. There’s a process to the process and I will respect each bullet point.

  • Let it all bubble up

  • Acknowledge what is put in front of me

  • Let it be there with a Do Not Touch sign

  • Go about the rest of my day

  • Let the understanding of what to do with it naturally come to me when I’m ready to see it

It gets easier…letting all the things exist simultaneously on your palm even though you think they don’t play nice with one another. They can all be there at the same time. The act of knowing what to do with them comes later and I’m honoring the process by taking my time. That’s what I’ve come to believe and it works for me.

Most of the time, what is brought up for my conscious self to acknowledge isn’t all that scary in the end. Once I figured out I was more worried about the possibilities and the “not knowing” it became easier to let it all happen.

And it will happen when I don’t want it to, prefer it wouldn’t. I’ve learned to trust that too. I just do my job and let it rise and not eff with it. That’s my task. And I get to confidently draw a line through it on my list of to do’s and pat myself on the back for allowing my true self to talk to me. The rest—it can and will all come later.

Mary Miller
Next

Plot Twist.